I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. I have been anorexic and bulimic. Even at my age of 54, I still suffer bulimia. I do not even know why I do it since I am not losing weight from it anymore. When I did lose weight from vomiting, my skin became very loose. I seldom do this anymore, and I am trying something a bit different. I have purchased the portion control containers, and I do believe they are helping me realize that I do not need to eat so much food to survive. Food is fuel. We eat to live, not live to eat! We should anyway!
I have been going through some therapy and have been on some medications with terrible side reactions. I am better now and ready to go back to the gym. I must get serious about my health and weight because I have slightly high blood pressure and high cholesterol. I was also recently diagnosed with Hepatitis C. I am in the process of getting the medication which is almost $100,000.00 for the three month treatment! I know it is ridiculous, but I do not want to die. I believe I got the Hep C through a blood transfusion when I went through a multitude of serious errors during ovarian cyst surgeries and almost died.
During one of many procedures, the surgeon cut my ureter but he did not realize it. My body was filling with poisons and leaking fluids from the incisions, and my liver count was getting lower and lower to the point that the doctor said that he did not think I would make it. The doctor then decided to do a hysterectomy ( a total hysterectomy) removing the uterus and both ovaries. While in the process of this surgery, he cut my bladder. Still, my body was filling with poisons and my days were numbered. The doctor ran an MRI and finally noticed that the right ureter was cut and my right kidney was in hydronephrosis. After three unsuccessful attempts over eight months of putting in ureter stents, the fourth stent was successful.
I had, and have scars on my stomach to constantly remind me of the nightmare. Although they are fading, I am a bit self conscious. The point of my story is that sometimes we don't think that things like this could ever happen to us. I never really felt 100% human because I felt I was invincible and immune to any disease thinking, "It won't happen to me!" Well, we are all human, and the human body is amazing, and yet so fragile. We must consider our body our temple. Sure, I would love to lose the 25-30 pounds that I have gained, but I sure would rather be healthy and pain free! Life is a blessing, and instead of trying to be super skinny, or always trying to lose more and more weight, we should concentrate on what will make and keep us healthy for as long as possible.
I admit I am guilty of wanting the extra weight gone, but I promise myself this time I will do it a healthy way. I realize the eating disorders will always be a part of my life, but I can be strong and fight it each and every day! When I look in a mirror I see a very fat me! When I look at the photos of women of my same height and weight, I realize that I am normal sized. I am not fat. I am not ugly. I am human, and I love life!
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