I Am Beautiful Because I Am Strong
08/16/2011

It all started before I was even a teenager.

My father at the dinner table when I was 4: "Erin, don't be a glutton," as I helped myself to seconds.

In third grade, I compared myself to my girlfriends, and even to my third grade teacher - I said to myself, "I am almost as wide around the waist as Mrs. So-and-So is!"

By the time I was in 7th grade, I was convinced I was the ugliest, fattest, undesirable young woman on the planet. My straight child body had become very very stocky, as my curves filled out before I got my height.

My family didn't place an importance on eating healthy foods in healthy portions at healthy times. My mother didn't admonish us to stop eating when we were full. In fact, she hoarded personal treats of chocolate, candy, and chips for herself.

When I was little, I used to pride myself on always being able to find where she had hid them and snack away to my heart's delight without her knowing. We would have movie nights with gummy worms & chocolate, chips and popcorn, soda & sugary juice. I would eat until I felt like I would explode.

Now, looking back, I realize I was probably trying to fill a void left by my parents' lack of attention & communication with me. I was often lonely & sad, keeping to myself and afraid to reach out to others b/c of the way I felt about myself & my body.

I am 23 now. I am 5'8", and I weigh 204.

Last summer, exactly 365 days ago, I weighed 228 lbs - the heaviest I had ever been. After a rough year of dropping out of college, being kicked out of my home, enduring & finally breaking away from an abusive boyfriend, then finding myself homeless due to my mother's rejection, I was very heavy & very sad & very stressed.

I found a good job, I began to take better care of myself. I found a good living situation. And I luckily found a loving boyfriend whose family took me under their wings & encouraged, loved, and supported me.  I began to lose weight almost immediately without any extra dieting or extra workouts.

Today, I've decided to love my body despite my emotional ups and downs & changing feelings about my slightly saggy boobs, cellulite, stretch marks, or personal insecurities.

I am beautiful because I am strong, I have survived hard times, and I can still love & see hope in my future.

I've discovered that men don't have to have a 92 lb, 32DD girlfriend to be satisfied in bed - and out. Being myself - sexy, hardworking, curious, enthusiastic, caring, and assertive - is the sexiest way to be. :)

I hope every girl / woman discovers the same. She deserves to.

I do not wish to be anonymous. I am 5'8", 38B, 36" waist, 43" hips, size 16 pants, size 12-14 dress, size M-L shirt. I weight 204 lbs. I have brown hair, hazel eyes, and freckles.