I can't believe I'm actually doing this, never thought I would because I would always like keeping this stuff to myself but anyways, I’d like to start off with keeping this anonymous but I'm a 16 year old girl, 5 ft and about 145 pounds.
The day I came to understand I was overweight was when I was at the beach with my older sister who was always stick skinny (who swears shes fat I'll this day and wants a boob job), I was about 6 years old eating an ice cream sandwich with my sister, my mom turns around and says don't finish it and give the other half to your sister..she needs it more then you do..telling me I need to lose weight. I'm fat.
My step dad came in the picture who is a bodybuilder, so ya know...he looked at me with such disgust. I started doing drugs, because I never felt so skinny and accepted on them. It helped me lose weight and not want to eat anymore.
After being now a year clean and not using that as my "diet plan"...it’s hard!
All I can notice throughout my day is how skinny the girls are around me and how fat I am. I dress in baggy clothes, boy clothes. I wouldn't be surprised if people thought I was a cross dresser, which there's nothing wrong with that..but the thing is I'm not!
I'm a girl, I want to feel sexy.
Also on top of that I have bad acne all over my back and chest, so I'm always covered up in t-shirts and can't even show off a little anything if I tried. I have stretch marks down my thighs, and when I do try to wear shorts, they just rise up and I'll get a bad rash between my legs. I’m now dressing in big t-shirts and hippie big skirts...I guess I can pull off the sloppy look. But when I get dressed in the morning I can't wear what looks cute, I can only wear what keeps me looking skinny.
Guys tell me I'm beautiful all the time, but why can't I just accept it? Of course I don't show that, but why can't I just wake up in the morning and not have to think about my weight. Go through out my day not comparing my bodies to others, not thinking about my next diet plan, not crying inside from it. I’ve been through alot in my life, but my weight is still what gets me.
And till this day, I swear if I'm skinny I'll be happy. If this will ever get read by anyone or not, hopefully god or somebody up there is listening to me and will allow me to wake up in the morning and accept myself. And I promise, the day I do..I'll work it for all teens who are overweight!
These negative thoughts will not overcome me, I will fight it and I will work my curves. Us girls have got to stay together stay strong, too underweight too overweight or anything that us teen girls have with haunting memories..we can destroy those thoughts.
And the reason I wrote this, is because I’ve been shopping online and I felt so uncomfortable with the models so I went to plus sizes and I felt at home, but even then those girls were beautiful but bigger then me. It’s hard to be medium, it’s confusing...you can't accept that you're overweight nor do you think you’re skinny.
But for the rest of the girls out there, please at least do it for me, work it for me as well. Feel beautiful, show that being curvy is beautiful. Let’s not let society and magazines overcome us. Thank you.
There is not photo attached, but here is a link to women 5' and 140-150lbs.
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