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My Body Stories Hard
My confidence has always been a roller-coaster. I remember always being overweight and short. It runs in my family. I was in the sixth grade when I noticed that I was a little bit heavier than the other kids. I couldn't wear kid uniform pants so I had to get men's Dickie's because they were the only things that fit. At one point I had this bathing suit that I would wear under my uniform, EVERYDAY, because it smoothed out the lumpiness of my body.
Starting Point
I am the one in black. I don't even know where it started. The worst thing in my life and I don't even know how it started. I don't even have a starting point OR an ending point.
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This site is here as an accurate reflection of what real women look like. All women.
Why?
A recent study found that 95% of non-eating disordered women overestimate the size of their hips by 16% and their waists by 25%, yet the same women were able to correctly estimate the width of a box.
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No Mirrors
09/17/2012

I wasn't overweight when I was younger.

 

As a senior in high school I was 5'4" and about 130 pounds, with a large Norwegian bone structure. I preferred baggy clothes, but I remember one time, when I was about 17, my dad bought me some Carhartts to wear around the farm and the 30" waist was a little big. Even then, I thought I was a whale. And that was before most people in this area had even heard of the internet let alone used it .... God how I feel for the girls growing up today.

But I digress.

I'm about to turn 30 in March. I was married for the past nine years and have five beautiful children. And I now weigh 200 pounds.

Most days I don't feel fat. But I'm newly single and I'm realizing that the way I see myself and the way I actually look are two very, very different things.

When I look at myself, I see a sexy, goddess-like body. I feel curvy yet lithe, ready to take on the world with my devastatingly gorgeous body.

And then, I look in the mirror. And I see a fat bottom. Big thighs. Arms that are way too big for my frame. A belly that seems to have a mind of its own and flops out of even the best fitting clothes.

I want to be the woman I see myself as. Not the woman I am. I wish there were no mirrors. Without mirrors, I radiate self confidence. Looking in a mirror makes me feel old, frumpy, and fat.

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