I was about 12 by the time I noticed the scale rising. I'd always been under 100 pounds, then suddenly, puberty made me stack on weight steadily and my clothes weren't fitting correctly anymore. I was homeschooled, so I wasn't sure what other girls my age were supposed to look like, or what to expect. My younger sisters ate as much as they wanted and never seemed phased by it, all the while I started eating less. Before anyone knew it, I wasn't eating enough and hid the food my parents required I eat. Whenever I bathed, I would poke my stomach and pinch my thighs. How could I let myself get this way?
I was out of shape and weak growing up after having beat Cervical Cancer. I never felt strong or sure of myself after I found out I was sick and then even after I was in remission. I lost so much confidence being that sick. But once I was recovering I met a nice man and we married, but then divorced when he cheated on me. I went back to feeling sorry for myself. But one morning, I woke up, watched the sun coming up, and understood how lucky I was to have beaten a deadly disease and to be alive.
I've had issues with weight my entire life. I remember kids chanting "cow man" to the theme of Batman. My parents would ask me if I "really wanted to eat that? I know your weight bothers you." Growing up, I didnt really watch what I ate at but it appared to be fairly close to what my skinny friends ate. Regardless, my weight slowly creeped up until college when I realized I had hypothyroidism, and I was up to 220 lbs at 22. My legs were chafing so badly it hurt to walk, and I couldn't take it any more.
I have been overweight most of my life and have been active on and off throughout as well. I began seeing the effects of my weight in high school, and got my father to sign me up for a gym membership, which I kept for about 3 years until dropping it to change gyms. I went from 197 down to 160 in a matter of about 3 to 4 months. BUT my right knee continued to give me problems. Lo and behold, when I had my ACL strained back in 2008, no one knew I had torn my meniscus. By December 2012 I had only a few strands of my ACL intact. December 13, 2012, I received knee surgery. My weight of 160 was buried in its grave, and I quickly gained weight until I was nearly 250 pounds. January 2014 I recommitted to fitness and continued my workouts through the gym on a military base. I have lost roughly 50 pounds. My Navy friends keep me motivated, and I have also decided to eventually pursue a career in the Navy. So I had a deadline to make - to be military fit in 4 years if I am able to get my BS degree.
As I'm reading all of these entries, I have tears streaming down my face...at the age of 25, I've struggled with my weight since middle school. Throughout my childhood I was stick thin and could eat anything without thinking twice. Fast forward to middle school and my first experience with being called fat, and that was when I realized I hated my body. I've never been naturally athletic. I've struggled to run for more than a few minutes at a time for as long as I can remember--even at my lowest weight I wasn't in shape.
I'm a 5' 3.5'', 29-year-old, mixed Vietnamese/German-Irish woman. When I was a little kid, I was a stick, but then sometime around fourth grade I was labeled and called fat by my peers once puberty hit. My parents didn't really help me much in this department as they'd chide me that if I ate too much I could be overweight or comment that I was gaining weight during these years. This caused me to compare my thicker body-type to my thin Asian cousins whereas my Caucasian cousins were always a little thicker. It just set me down this downward spiral of low self-esteem.
This morning I decided to write myself a letter, then when I got started writing I thought maybe I wanted to write everyone a letter. This itch may have started when a guy I had been seeing told me he could no longer see me in a romantic manner because I was too chubby for him. Well, for those of you who love the victory karma, haha, in-yo-face moment, here it is. I am poor. I’m a full time college student without a job. I can’t afford to wear clothes that show off my figure. However, yesterday the guy who broke it off with me saw me walk out of the gym. He stopped in his tracks and did a double. He walked up to me and told me I looked amazing. He saw me two weeks ago, not wearing my gym attire, and I was too chubby for him. I just looked at him, wondered what I ever saw in him, and walked away.
I don't think I can ever remember a time where I wasn't disgusted with my own body. Even from a young age I would constantly complain, whether it was to my friends or just to myself, about how much bigger I was than what seemed to me like everyone else. When I went to boarding school in 9th grade, this body misconception only became worse. At only 14 I was shipped off to Connecticut to attend one of the top schools in the country, knowing no one and being completely vulnerable. After being so body conscious for so long I had managed to maintain a fairly average weight of 130lbs at 5'8". Still, I was not satisfied and friends that I had made up at school grew tired of my constant complaining about my perfectly normal body. I even had guy friends tell me that I was "so insecure, it was unattractive."
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