For as long as I can remember I have been self conscious of my body.
As soon as I started school I seemed suddenly shy and aware of feeling not as attractive as the popular girls. I was always a little chubby because I did overeat and didn’t know any better, but as a consequence had low self esteem.
As I grew up I tried to rectify this through food and went through periods of eating very little and taking up sports so I lost a lot of weight and was thought to be anorexic at one point.
I never seemed to be happy with this however and started yo-yo dieting by putting weight back on and feeling ashamed of myself further! I always felt too fat and unattractive. Latterly yo-yo dieting turned to binge drinking and I need to find a healthy balance.
At 27 now I am much more informed and know what I should and shouldn’t eat to be healthy but it’s never easy with the ‘bad’ foods being so cheap and tasty! However I still feel it is an unhealthy obsession that distracts from what really matters in life… I identify so much with others in their body stories and it has helped me to feel like I’m not alone and a freak and that true beauty comes from within always.
However I am worried as I don’t want to get fat again and then ashamed, and currently I have gone from 52kg(114lbs) (light but fairly healthy) to about 55kg(121lbs) and increasing in as little as 2 weeks!
I think because it has filled an emptiness in how I have been feeling and I have started taking anti-depressants too.
I have been consequently reminded however that ‘most’ people worth knowing at least will love you whatever your size, and I try to judge people on character.
Thank you for your body stories and taking the time to read mine.
I wish all women to feel empowered and in control of the beauty within us!