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Built Huskier

I have always been short with a very short torso and a bit chubby-- not enough to be "fat," but chubby enough to not feel comfortable in a bikini or revealing clothing.


I am 145-150 pounds and wear a size 8.


Everyone says they are "big-boned," but my family really does have big and bulky bones. We are built huskier and weigh more than anyone I know for our size. I have always been active and involved in sports: baseball, softball, gymnastics, dance, tennis, swimming, Taekwondo, basketball, and cheerleading. As an adult, I am thankful for this because today I can still run a mile in under 10 minutes and do the splits at 22 years old.


As a young child I was thin. I was your average elementary school cutie. And then, one day, in fifth grade, a boy told me that my swim suit was too small and that I looked ugly in it. That's the exact moment that I first became completely aware of my body, and I realized that I hated it.


All throughout middle school I worked to get skinnier. My mother urged me to do so. In eighth grade, I went on this insane diet where I only ate peanut butter sandwiches on wheat bread and apples (I don't know why I thought that would make me lose weight), and I rewarded myself when I went from 120 pounds to 110. I was only four foot eleven then, and I realize now that people my age, at 22 years old, are that weight. I was only 13. Boys definitely were not interested in me due to my chronic awkwardness, and that was something that upset me deeply.


In high school, I became really depressed due to a death in the family and lost a ton of weight without meaning to. Directly following that, I got my first boyfriend. It was then I put together that boys like girls that are skinny. I was determined not to gain weight again so that I could date around.


I graduated as a senior at five foot two and 150 pounds. I had Double D boobs (as I still do) and felt alright about my body because I was not chubby but not skinny; I was the average, in-between.


College was an up and down experience for me. I got married my junior year and gained about 40 pounds due to medications treating mental illness due to extreme stress. I was married, going to school fulltime, and working two part-time jobs to make ends meet. I was unhappy with my life so I  made a dramatic, difficult change, and got a divorce, stopped my meds, and began coping in a healthier method. My weight went away.


Today, I am 145-150 pounds, wear a size 8, and am relatively happy with my figure. I have Double D boobs and a pretty big butt and thighs (which sometimes I am insecure about) but overall I like the way I look. I have bouts of insecurity but otherwise I feel beautiful. Last year, for the first time in my life, I donned a bikini and it was incredibly empowering. I am active and healthy, and thankful for my subtle pear-shaped frame.

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