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How I Feel

When I was younger I was always thin.



I was about 70lbs up until I was 13 years old and then I started Secondary School and as I grew up I gained more weight, which is supposed to happen. From about the age of 16 I was between 121lbs and 135lbs throughout the rest of my school years. When I turned 18, in 2008 I started to notice that my weight started to climb and drop and I was unhappy that I couldn't stay the same weight. By the time I was 20 I was 170lbs and now going on 22 I am 183lb and gaining.


Christmas of 2009 I started eating late at night due to boredom and that's the reason for my weight gain and the fact that I am allergic to physical activity.


I can never get motivated enough to exercise and in January of this year joined an all women gym hoping I might be able to lose the weight, all I really did was gain muscle which I didn't want so I left the gym because the numbers on the scale wasn't what I wanted it to be.


I have never been happy with my weight and probably never will be.


I hang around with a group of thin girls, my best friend has a wonderful figure and I hate it when she complains about being fat and having big hips and thighs and wanting a gap between her legs. She doesn't understand that that is the way she is shaped and she has no weight to lose and she doesn't like the fact that she's the perfect weight for her height.


I just wish that I could feel happy and comfortable with myself, but I know it will never happen because I always find fault with myself some way.


I just needed to get that out there because I feel like I'm whining every time I try to talk about how I feel.

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