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I don't know how it began...


I don't know how it began,

I couldn't tell you why.

All I know is I hate myself

To everyone I am one big lie.

I push my family away,

ignore all of my friends,

Focus on weight loss

thinking it will make amends.

What was I thinking?

Why can't I stop?

I know I am killing myself

a failure, a flop.

I hate the way I am living

I hate the feeling of guilt

Before I had a life

something I had built.

This illness isn't in vain,

nor attention seeking

if anything its the opposite

hiding my body that's weakening.

I am 22 years old and have suffered with anorexia from 9 years of age. I have been in hospital numerous times, Been resuscitated three times,had a heart attack in 2010, constantly had an NG tube in from 10 -12 years then all of 2011.

I have pushed my whole family away, dumped an excellent boyfriend, ignored all my friends and lost my chance of university.

This illness has completely ruined my life.

I have irreversibly damaged my body - oestoporosis, damaged hair, ammenorhea,scars to name a few.

I'm not telling to show off. that is the last thing I want to do. I am the last person to seek attention (especially drawn to my body), and the photo has taken a lot to put up. But I am trying so hard to recover- I want other people to stop, think, realise what anorexia can really do to you, before it's too late.

I have already damaged my body....I don't want you to suffer as well. If this helps just 1 person look for help, support or the will to get well then I am a happy person. Please don't fall down this slippery slope if you are able to find a stopping point. 

Thanks for taking the time to read my story. Hayles xxx


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