I have recently been speaking with a friend of mine about doubts.
Specifically relationship doubts.
I’m in probably the healthiest happiest relationship I’ve ever been in. But he’s not someone I would have picked out of a line up. And my doubts stem from our sizes. Specifically, my size.
I’m tall. 5.10ish, maybe11 and my best weight is 170-175. I’m currently around the 190 marker. I’ve been as high as 230 and as low as 160. I consistently wear size 8 pants and am busty with broad shoulders.
He’s 5.9ish, maybe10 and had been lifting weights when we started dating. He’s been sick a couple times, works in a physically demanding job, hasn’t been to the gym and has weighed as little as 165, though is back to 175.
I realized something. My doubts are a result of my baggage surrounding my size.
I worry that people look at us and think we look stupid together. I worry that someone will crack a joke about our size difference and how I’m bigger, and it makes me feel like shit.
For some reason, being a big woman is equated with being dominant and less feminine. In truth I’m a delicate flower, damn it! I hate lifting heavy things, and only want my hands dirty when it’s fun. I would never beat a person up, and don’t push my boyfriend around. We take turns being dominant. We are a team. And he’s wonderful.
And its ugly that I would consider sacrificing my great relationship because the idea of people teasing me hurts me so badly.
And my boyfriend wouldn’t change a single thing about my body, he loves every inch of me. But if I could make him taller I probably would.