I spend every minute of the day thinking about my weight.
There is nothing in the world more important to me - career, family, health... Nothing. My self-hatred, depression, anxiety and pathetic lack of willpower to control my emotional eating have me locked in a cage.
Although my BMI is 21 and "normal", I feel like it needs to be 17 at the most before I can really start to live in the rest of the world instead of being alone in my head.
These feelings have consumed me since I was 5 and now 29 years of my life have been ruined. Of course this has had a drastic negative impact on every part of me and unless something changes, they always will. Honestly, people with severe anorexia fill me with helpless and intense envy. I've been addicted to everything else - why can't I be addicted to not eating?
Looking at photos of women my height, weight and body type can sometimes calm me down if I feel panicked or depressed and near self-harm. My wedding pictures disgust me, and my dress was a US designer size 4.
Thank you all for the photos.
