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Feelings Of Lightness And Possibility

I've been overweight since I was around 9, and had been obese (thanks, depression/alcohol abuse!) since I was at least 23, but despite being bullied about being The Fat Weird Kid, it's never bothered me much. 


Height: 5'6 Weight: 170 Pants: 34 Shirt: 14w


I think on some level, I'd maybe gained weight intentionally, as a way to armour myself, to have a convenient excuse for not participating in stuff.  My body was always sort of an afterthought at the best of times, and a minor inconvenience at the worst.


Then, last year, I had this idea that by the time I turn 35, I should have my sh*t together, and really buckled down on addressing my emotional issues and exercising to improve my mood and energy levels. By this time I had already started to seriously cut down on my drinking and change my eating habits for the better. I decided to weigh myself for the first time in a few years, just for the hell of it.  Turns out, I had lost weight without even trying.  I decided to see what happened if I really did try to get in shape for the first time in my life.  Sleep apnea, heart disease, and type 2 diabetes run strong in my family, and as my mood improved, I began (also for the first time) to really think about the future and the importance of taking care of my health.


Almost a year later, I've lost my depression weight and am connecting with my body for the first time ever.  Learning to truly be kind to myself both emotionally and physically has given me a dazzling new outlook on life. I still don't care about whether I'll ever look like a supermodel ballerina or not, but I am loving the feelings of lightness and possibility that come with shucking off the opt-out armor I'd built around myself.

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