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Happy Being Me

I was a tiny kid, I was average height but because of our wealth (or lack of) I was very skinny.


Around the age of 7-8 when my mum got a new bf we could afford junk food so I ate. And ate and ate over one summer holidays then when school went back my mum started calling me fat and said I needed to go on a diet because I was so fat (I only put on a few kilos and was now a healthy weight) but for years she told me I was fat and boyfriend after boyfriend she went through and the more depressed I became.

We moved to the country and mum got another boyfriend and he bought us a house just as I started high school. After all the years of mental abuse from my now alcoholic mother I believed I was obese.

At 5'5 and a size 10-12 I believed that I was disgusting. I looked in the mirror and saw all my flaws. At the age of 13 I didn't own one skirt, dress or a pair of shorts because I hated my legs. In the country it was 40 degrees C (104 F) almost everyday and I wore black jeans and a black hoodie in the sun because I was so ashamed of what I thought I looked like.

I was in hospital every other day because I didn't eat. I walked to school and all I had to eat/drink all day was 3 cans of energy drink and a pack of smokes. Yet after years I still thought I was fat.

I fell pregnant and had my first child at the age of 15 and that changed my life, It was like the glasses were lifted from my eyes. I knew now that what my mother said to me was rubbish and looking back on pictures I wasn't fat at all! I was gorgeous! And I wish I could have seen it then because maybe then I wouldn't have been so depressed and could have enjoyed my teenage years instead of rebelling and seeking approval in all the wrong places.

I am now really overweight but in a way I'm happy about it! I don't smoke or drink and i stay well away from energy drinks! I thought for so long that I was when I wasn't and now I am I don't care! I take care of myself but I don't diet. I want to loose weight and have been slowly but I'm not stressed about it.

I'm happy being me and I can still keep up with my daughter :)


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