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My Light

I was a very self conscious teen (like most girls are).  



In highschool I weighed at most 180, size 14 pants, XL shirt, and 32D bra. My girlfriends always told me I looked nice, but should lose weight if I ever wanted to date a great guy... my guy friends told me that I was pretty, but would never be their type unless I weighed 20-30lbs lighter.


I was somewhat active. I rode my bike 2.5 miles to school everyday, and would swim during warm months at my grandparents house (living in FL had perks).


During the last half of my junior year in high school, I broke my knee - not the bone, but the ACL and MCL and I could not walk for almost 6 months without crutches. During that time I could not bike, swim, anything except hobble to and from.


My mother is a nurse and helped me the best she could with physical therapy as at the time we could not afford a surgery for me, she helped me shower for weeks, helped me with everything. I put on almost 80lbs in the last 3 months of school before summer.


Skip ahead, graduation May 2006 (in TX), I was now wearing a size 20 pants, 2x shirt, and 40DD bra. I was now depressed, had very little friends that still talked to me because of my weight gain and never saw my FL friends.


I finally moved back to FL, started a doctor approved diet with weekly shots / weigh-ins etc. lost maybe 50lbs. I was down to a small 18 / large 16. I looked decent.


I went to nursing school and started working on my AA when my teacher decided it was ok to pick on students. I was the first - "you are too fat to be a nurse. you do not deserve to be in this field" - I went into another depression spiral, left school, became a recluse, and worked for Winn Dixie for money. I lived with my grandparents. I felt like I had nobody except family. Nobody understood me, everyone who saw me in public just assumed I made myself "fat" they never asked why I limped, they only jumped to judge like so many still do.


I am now 25, weigh 385, pant size 26/28, 50DD bra, 3x-4x shirt. HOWEVER the difference now is, I have somebody to care for me, not ignore me. I have been with my boyfriend now for 5yrs. He has only seen me as overweight. He refuses to refer to me as obese or fat. He supports me with everything I do. I have been accepted to get the lapband in the coming months - as by now "regular" diets do not really help.


I was at my worst, bottom of the barrel, no friends in sight, and this sweet shy guy was introduced to me through a friend. He didn't care how I looked - only that I was nice and had a good sense of humor. I am extremely overweight, but I have hope now. I have a support group, and this website showed me that I was not the only woman in the world to go through this pain. This website shows REAL women, and I appreciate that as a woman who struggles with her weight daily.


If my story is read by anybody, or posted for that matter, I just want the bottom line to be - no matter your weight, your struggle, your job (or no job), or anything else that could be going wrong with your life... you CAN fix it. All you need is a little support, and hope.


Hope is all I have left, and it has helped me through some VERY dark days. Don't shut people out because you are upset or depressed... those people are the ones who will help you through your dark tunnel and support you and show you the light at the end. I have finally just now begun to see my light - and it is glorious. I hope my story can help somebody else.

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