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Stand Proud

Growing up tall and thin is what most people desire.


However most of the teasing was based off of my shape, or lack of one. I've been called every name in the book. String bean, bean pole, twiggy, paper doll, Olive Oil, etc. Then come the more creative names like Ana-auschwitz, and "Ana-rexia." After eating a meal in a public place I would hear people joke about how I'm going to go puke it up. I was being called a disease.

Finding clothes that fit was even harder back then. Where's the flood? Luckily I gained my freshmen 30 (15*2!) in college and was able to relax for a while with fewer comments. When I lost half of it I was feeling proud of myself and thought, "this is a good size!" That's when I got pregnant. My weight soared up to 200 with the baby and I felt ginormous. I settled in at a size 14 after that along with a serious case of postpartum depression.

I started biking again, which I enjoyed in high school. Stick the kid in the carrier and bike all around town. Hit the garage sales, the grocery store, rent a movie. I lost weight and felt confidant again. You know what that means right? Baby.

This baby was different, I had food aversions instead of cravings. My belly grew, but not my body. And regrettably my boobs didn't either! I still hit 200 pounds, but carried it differently. The weight came off easier leaving me at a size 10. Then it happened. I was diagnosed with multiple food allergies.  My lips swelled up so bad I couldn't open my mouth wide enough to eat. After cutting out what felt like half of my diet I lost weight and was only 10 pounds from my dreaded high school size. I felt unhealthy and scared.

Time passed and we grew accustomed to the new diet. While my youngest son had given me food allergies, he had also gotten them.  So we cut out even more things. My body settled in at a comfy size 10 again. Then the allergies started changing. Now I have to eat as organically as possible. And cut out corn. Meaning no Dr. Pepper!

I'm back down to a size 6 or 8 again. I use My fitness pal to watch my diet. Making sure I get enough protein, and checking with my Dr. to make sure I'm doing alright. Although my weight is low, I try to be as healthy as possible. Which for me includes lots of healthy fat, meats, and veggies. Our whole family enjoys martial arts to stay active, and I'm about to get my brown belt!

I try not to let the numbers bother me, instead focusing on living well. And I'm about to go back to college!

The weight game is something that never goes away. It has skewed the perception I have of myself through the years. I never allowed myself to feel young and beautiful. My mind was convinced that I was some horrible unattractive disease. I formed bad posture by sticking my stomach out to look bigger, and shrugging my shoulders down to be shorter.

Now I fight the bad posture trying to stand proud. Telling myself that I am indeed a young attractive person. I have even been congratulated by other tall people for wearing heels. I do what makes me feel beautiful now, even it means being 6'4". Of course having a 6'5" tall supportive husband helps.


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