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Victory

I feel as girls we look up to the models and actresses never realizing what it subconsciously does.



Growing up I never felt skinny or pretty enough. Though my parents would tell me I was pretty, they always felt like empty words.


I was a skinny child until middle school when I started filling out in the hips and chest. Immediately I felt "fat". The unwanted attention it brought from boys only made it worse. I didn't understand becoming a woman as a good thing. I started to wear baggy clothing to hide my body. I would buy jeans at least a size bigger and wear lots of layers on top.


By high school I had been hiding my shape for years and would avoid any situation that required fitted clothing or a bathing suit. I would pretend I was sick at the water park so I could leave my towel on. Every year my anxiety grew about my appearance and what others thought of me. What others were saying or doing. I was so consumed by what I THOUGHT others were thinking I wasn't living.


Due to depression and a limiting meal plan, I lost about 10 pounds my first semester of college. I started finding solace in being thin. I liked the control I got from not eating. I even started getting pleasure out of the concern others would show. My roommates one day started to toss me around like a ragdoll hoping I would understand how thin I was.


It's been a long 10 years since those days, but every day I still struggle. The key to being comfortable is understanding your body. Having breast and hips is no longer a bad thing. When I first starting dating my now husband he was very surprised that I had a body under that dumpy sweater. I had been hiding D breast for years before I started to embrace the gifts I had been given. I don't know if I could have become comfortable with my body without the support of my husband.


I still find myself standing in front of the mirror for a little too long or making faces at the mirror, but I'm good to my body. I eat whole living foods and exercise, but try to find a balance. If I want a piece of pizza (or two) I eat it. I consider that a victory.

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